Friday, August 15, 2008

Spoons

written August 16, 2005

Ok. So this whole blog thing, what's it about anyways? Well, from looking at other people's it's writing about random things. So, I asked my good ol' friend, Britain, what I should write about and she told me "spoons", so "spoons" it is. Except I'm not gonna write about the utensil spoons. Well, I guess I kinda am.

Life can kinda be related to silverwear. As we come into the world we are like spoons, clinging and forming to the ways of those who raise us. We follow and watch their every move and cling on to them. Like spoons form and fit to each other in the silverwear drawer, we become complacent in the ways of our parents. Until one day we decide to start pushing the lines.

Graudually, we move from a spoon to a spork. We are still, for the most part, following our parent's ways, but we are becoming curious about the other things in life. The things that we see and hear about. The things that those around us bring in our lives. We begin to go towards the ways of our friends, except for we have many different friends that we want to be "fitted" to so I will refer to the next stage as the "fork" stage of life.

We have many different "prongs" pertruding from our life. We are in contact with many different people, much like a fork in a silverwear drawer. (ok, so if it's neat, they are all in-line to, but for sake of illustration, let's pretend its a messy, chaotic fork pile). Then as we graduate from highschool and enter the voyage of work, building a family, going to college, etc. we become like a knife. We decide who we are going to be and who we aren't going to be and we create a sharp edge about ourselves for when people come against our beliefs. For the most part we are straight and focused. Yeah, our focus may change, but we always want to better ourselves. And sometimes it's a struggle to stay focused, but staying focused, or a "knife" will help us get through the tough things of life the easiest.

So, what are you? Are you a spoon, still controlled by your parents (or societies) every wish and command? Are you a spork? Still directed by your parents but curious about what's out there? Are you a fork? Ever holding onto your friends and those around you? Or, are you a knife? Someone who sharpens themself off of those around them. Someone who is dependant on no one but God for strength and movement? But who uses the situations and circumstances they go through as sharpening tools?

Footprints revised

Ok...so any of you that really know me know that I LOVE the footprints poem. Here's a new one I saw that is kinda cool.


FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back.

This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

Now you pray:"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You.""That is correct.""And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely.""Very good. You have understood everything so far."When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way.""Precisely.""So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice."You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.

I'm worth a lot

came across this November 21, 2005

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking. "Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said,
"Yes." She began to expound...

As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more."
I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a lot." She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Prepare for the best!

written January 18, 2006

Wow! Its been a year since I moved out here. And what an amazing year it has been. From finding myself to breaking off things and people to let them go, it seems like Ive done it all. But I know that I havent. I know that this year is going to be much better. Its funny how God is sometimes. Hell take us to a point, away from everything, where we absolutely need Him and all we can do is call on Him. And then when we do, He takes us on the most awesome ride ever! I faced some tough things this past year. I had to learn to be completely on my own which mind you, Im still learning to this day! Lol I had to let go of the closest person to me, which at the time seemed impossible. Now, I look back and Im very greatful that I did. No, I dont regret the 3 years we had together, they were great; but we just werent going the same directions.

My focus this past year was on my relationship with God and anything that didnt add to that, I tried my best to separate from. In that process, I lose some people that were important to me, but its definitely been worth it. Ive also gained some amazing people in my life. People who are constantly challenging me to go to a higher level something I lacked before people who serve and love God with everything they have. From people Im with one-on-one, to the Wednesday night crew at The Bees; you have all challenged me to change one way or another. Yes, we may not be that close or anything, but by observation, Ive learned something from each one of you. I cant wait to see where this next year takes us, not only as friends, but as a church.

I also began a new job last year. Its had its ups and downs, but what job doesnt? The past few months have definitely been a time to step it up to the next level and be that excellent assistant. Im not sure what the next few months will bring, but Im giving this my all. I get a lot of people that ask why I do what I do when I could work in the secular world and make a heck of a lot more. And you know, I cant really explain it. No, I cant just go out and purchase whatever I want (and for being a technology junkie, its been hard on me this past year J), but I know that what I do by assisting Bill directly helps changes lives for eternity now thats what drives me to awake each morning. Yeah, most of the time I dont interact with people directly, but I do the behind-the-scenes work so that Bill can. Every flier that I create or class that I organize helps someone grow in their walk with God and that is what I love so much about this. I can really see doing this forever. But if not God, I place it in Your hands.

Thats another thing Ive definitely learned this year just give it to God. I use to worry about every little thing but then I realized that its just not worth it. Make a decision and then go with it like there was never another option! All thats done when your sitting around wondering What could have been if is youre wasting time! Time that you could be using to help others grow and change.

Im so looking forward to this next year. The intimate times with god, the great people Ill come in contact with, the further Ill be along in this journey of lifeand Im excited to see what God does in the lives of my friends. 2006 for me is going to be a time to mix things up. To do things that stretch myself to that next level in all areas of life physically, socially, emotionally, but most importantly, spiritually. For a long time, God was on the back burner. I went to Him only when I needed something, not knowing, all along, that He was all I needed. But when I started losing things, like the comfort of home, love, and meaning, I found the best thing ever! A true relationship with God. I realized that He is all Ill ever need. Yes, I have dreams and goals that I will achieve and yes, I do want to get married someday. But thats not my stage of life right now. Right now is my season of preparation. Preparation in every area of my life. The other day some of us were talking about our goals for this year. Yes, I have the typical goals of becoming more healthy and more financially secure, but I think its all summed up in one sentence. TO PREPARE FOR THE BEST. Many times we think to prepare for the worst, but its time to start preparing for the best! I am Gods kid and He wants to give me the best. But, He will only do so when I have become trustworthy with what I have already been entrusted with. The skills and goals Ive already been given will flourish into much more as I serve God in every area of my life.

Of course, its easy to say all of this with it being the new year and everyone hyping about New Years Resolutions, but Im serious about this. 2006 is going to be a different kind of year. I grew so much in 2005 and Im excited to see where Gods going to take me in 2006. Im Yours God. The giftings and talents Youve given to me, I use them to glorify You. Help me to truly live a lifestyle of outreach. I want to live to know You and to show others how great it is knowing You. Im willing to do what it takes to be prepared for the best. Whatever it takestimesacrificeanything. I love You, Father, and my desire is to help others passionately live the life Youve given them. Thank you for all the experiences of 2005 and basically everything Youve brought to me my entire life. Ive learned so much about You and about life in general during the past year and Im ready to take it and start doing something with it this year. Whatever it takes, Im preparing for the best!

life...a Nancy Drew mystery book in reality

written June 19, 2006

Ok, so I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the Nancy Drew mystery books, but I used to love reading them when I was younger. I especially liked the ones where I, as the reader, got to control the story and at the end of the chapter, it gave me a few options and I turned to the page that was listed next to wherever I wanted the story to go. And more times than not, I would always read what happened with the other options as well.

I've been thinking lately, and life is somewhat like that. Each day you have millions of choices, from getting up the first time your alarm goes off to deciding what you're going to eat, to developing your relationship with God and with other people. And each choice leads to another series of choices. Yes, some are more important than others, but all life boils down to is choices. Some of us, are a little more curious than others. Instead of taking the wise counsel of others, we always seem to have to figure it out for ourselves. Others of us, make choices based on the outcome of choices that were made for us or on choices that we had to make unwillingly. And it seems like once a negative choice is made, it's hard to jump back to the positive. But, eventually, it's done and you realize how much better the positive choices are and you decide to never go back to the way it was.

Unfortunately, some choices are with you for the rest of your life. And no matter how hard you try to justify the choice you made with choices that were made for you, it's still ultimately your own responsibility.

So, all you younger tykes out there, remember that your future depends on who you are today. Make strong, Godly based choices. Decide to take a stand for God and not let anything or anyone convince you otherwise. And if something happens to you or a choice is made that affects your life but you can't control, don't let it spin you off the straight and narrow. Not saying that people aren't going to make mistakes or wrong choices, but it will be so much better to stand strong.

Don't be the type of person that has to experience everything personally, take the wise counsel of those who have walked life a little longer and who are where you would eventually like to be. Which brings me to my next point, don't judge someone based on their past choices. If they are truly commited to God and have repented, then give them grace. Isn't that what God is all about? I don't know about ya'll but I definitely don't deserve what Jesus did. And I don't think there is a single person here who does. But He doesn't care, He just wants a relationship with each one of us. So accept Him and accept yourself. And for the love people, accept each other.

Philippians 4:6-7

written November 14, 2006

Philippians 4:6-7 totally rocked my world tonight. In the Message Bible is states, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray! Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." So I get done reading that and check it out in another Bible (CEV Version) and I got "shondied"..."Don't worry about anything, but pray for everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God WILL BLESS YOU with PEACE that no one can completely understand. And this peace WILL CONTROL the way you THINK and FEEL." Then, I was like where's the paper, I gotta write.

***By the way, when I say "I" or "me" in this, it's totally about everyone, including YOU who are reading this.***

God has chosen to take care of me. I am a valuable belonging to Him. All I have to do is give Him complete control of my life. Once I do, He takes responsibility of ALL situations. I MUST listen to what He says. I MUST believe what He says about me, as truth. I MUST know that He is taking care of me. By doing so, He will allow His peace to flood my soul. My life. My head. No longer will I worry or be fearful, but I will know that He is the God who has delivered me. Set me free from the cares of this life. My focus is not to be on the situations of my life, but on Him. By me focusing on Him and trusting Him, He can then focus on the situations in my life without trying to get my attention. I'm not called to understand life or the blessings of God, I'm called to focus on Him. Praise Him. Worship Him. Exalt Him with my life. By giving my complete attention to Him, my heart will be comforted in who He is. My mind will be at rest in who He says I am. My thoughts will be enraptured with how great He is. And my body will be in alignment with how He created me to be. It is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me! His thoughts. His feelings. His ways. I am entirely consumed with who He is.

About me...

written beginning of 2006

Hmmm...about me...i'm just a wanna be southern gal who works way too much, loves hanging out with people and getting in trouble...ok, maybe not so much the trouble thing, but it always seems to happen....more about me...i'm a great listener and an even better friend...once we connect, it takes a lot to make me turn my back; sometimes thats a good thing, other times its a bad thing...most of the time i get walked on but it's a'ight...i'm integrating the 3 strikes and your out rule...but don't count on the three chances cuz there is the rare exception of being ejected...if you think i'm talking about you right there than you are probably right...

anyways, i love making up random words and saying random things at random times ...i love going to the drive in, there's nothing like watching a movie in the back of my truck with a mattress, some blankets, some friends, and a clear night...i love watching sports and would play more often if i was a little more...lets see, how can i say this...a little less vertically challenged and a little more horizontally challenged...basically if I wasnt so short and stubby...and oh yeah, if my ankle bent...im pretty much a klutz...

i love writing and observing people, things, whatever is around me...i love listening to music and writing songs, mostly worship, and wish i had a little more discipline to become highly skilled at an instrument...i can play around on the keyboard, flute, guitar, and i like to think the drums, but those of you have experienced the drum thing, you know that is a big WHATEV! one thing that makes me happy is Law & Order...svu is my favorite...more about me...hmmm...when i get tired or hungry i get snappy so watch out...i dont like chocolate, candy, ice cream, most desserts, or most sweets for that matter although otter pops ROCK MY WORLD!

whinney people get on my last nerve as well as people who think all my time should be spent with them and those people that are so consumed with themselves they will do or say anything just to make themself look better. i love taking random road trips, going camping as long as camp is set up when I get there and torn down after I leave oh yeah, and if there's a bathroom, and doing barbeques...chicken is my favorite food and you cant separate me from my stuffed monkey at night...i love God with all my heart and i've given Him my entire life...I love my church...i'm not really sure where my life is headed right now, but I trust that God has it all planned out. well, for now, thats about all thats "about me"...

Drama Queen

written March 30, 2007

So, as much as I've said I hate drama, apparantly, I'm a drama queen. That's me - I admit. I always have something to say about anything - maybe it's good, maybe it's bad - sometimes I don't say it, but I see that the majority of the time I do, it causes a flare. A flare of "Here's drama!" And sometimes, actually, a lot of the time, I allow my tongue to even create drama within myself. Saying I'm not good enough when my God has made me amazing. It causes conflict in me because my spirit knows that its not right but my emotions and my thoughts are all for it.

I would say that my main tongue addiction is rebellion. I've done a lot of things just because someone has told me no. It's almost like I don't believe they really are trying to protect me, when really, the ones who do really care, say no to keep me from destroying my life. Instead of allowing my tongue to start and fuel the fire of destruction in my life, I'm going to start a preventative fire. One that's passionate about Jesus. One that says, "No longer will I allow negativity to control my life because it's already been consumed by Christ. By a holy passion for His ways, growth in Him, and discovering Him."

I'm very good at finding excuses for my own lack of strength too. Whether it straight out be, "I can't do it" or something more along the lines of "It just happened..." I always have a choice. I'm no longer going to focus my energy on failure. Instead, I'm focusing my energy on Him. On purpose. For too long I've been sitting in the mud with my tires spinning. Thinking I've gained all this ground when really all I've done is sink deeper, made a bigger mess of my situation now, and gone absolutely no where close to where I want to be. No more excuses because I can do it. I can follow after Him. Jesus didn't make excuses, He just did it. Then He was called to die on the cross, He didn't chicken out and say, "But it's gonna hurt, I've got other things to do. Don't you know these people need me in their life?" No, He said, "If it be Your will..." He saw a world that needed an example. A world that needed hope and grace. He saw a world that couldn't handle Him compromising and not doing God's will. Now is my time to just do it. To just spend time with Jesus instead of always having to be with people doing something. Now is my time to say, "No, I won't get caught up in what everyone is saying" because next week, it will be something different. Now, it's time for me to just be. To not put myself, and others, in compromising situations and to not surround myself with people who don't respect that. Just do it. Just live for God because I can.

And stop being so freaking jealous. I have gotten myself to this point and because I've made decisions and gotten to the point of not liking me or being comfortable with me, I'm so freakin nit picky about other people. I think sometimes I mistake people's confidence for arrogance. I have been living jealously though. Jealous of people's looks, friendships, positions, personalities. It got to the point where I was changing who I was based on the thought that by acting like them I wouldn't have a reason to be jealous. Doing so just created a bitterness, not only against the reasons, but against myself because I wasn't being real. Luckily, I've come out of that. I believe I'm doing a good job of changing my words, thoughts, and ultimately, my actions.

In searching myself for selfish ambitions, I have come up with nothing. I think I have been at such a deficit in this area that I have no idea what my dreams are or what I want. People keep asking me what I want and telling me to do what I want to do. And my answer is always "It's not about what I want". For so long, I've been doing what everyone else wants me to do. Whether it be something good, like help in church or something not so good, like makeout, I've just been flip-flopping around. I do know that I'm doing this now because I want to. I want to come to the point of abiding in Christ. Of being the woman of God He is calling me to be. Of having dreams, goals, visions for my life. Of being so passionate and crazy in love with Jesus that people question what's different about me. Of getting to the point in knowing what Jesus wants and trusting that what I want is what He wants.

And then, my attitude. The thing that ultimately has gotten me so far lost. But, I'm found and on a path now. Because my attitude has been so negative, my moods have been unpredictable. My reactions have been flamboyant, and most of my decisions have been not so great. Because of things that have happened, I have let my attitude turn sour; tainting my whole perception on life. Instead of seeing God wanting to be near to me, hold me, and capture me, I have seen Him laughing at me. Using me for His comedic entertainment - "Just how far can I stretch her? How much can I throw at her?" The whole time that's been a lie. Sometimes, I think that the majority of my attitude comes from the thought of "God, why didn't you protect me?" I was just a freakin kid. But, I must constantly consume and grab ahold of the truth that God is only good. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy. He has pretty much consumed my past. But now, things are different. Jesus has come to give me life. Life abundantly. With Him, I'm a conquerer. Yes, Satan meant evil in my life, but God WILL DO GOOD. My attitude is probably going to be the toughest change for me to make because for so long it's been so negative. But, I know I can do it. I can break away from being a drama queen.

No longer will I be someone of no vision. I see myself completely worshipping God. Letting His spirit break me, mold me into the person He has in mind of who I am. I see myself completely confident, comfortable, and caring of who I am. I see myself rejoicing in the freedom of life. I have vision. I no longer can waste my time and energy on petty drama, gossip, rebellion, jealousy, bitterness, or a lousy attitude. I've got to rally my energy and time together and focus it on achieving my vision - a lifelong process.

Waiting

written July 16, 2007
Psalm 40:1-2
"I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry for help. I was sliding down into the pit of death, and he pulled me out. He brought me up out of the mud and dirt. He set my feet on a rock. He gave me a firm place to stand on." (New International Readers)

"I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip." (Message)

I am gonna start out by saying I'm not a very patient person. I like instant rice, instant tan, instant results and when it comes to things that take a little longer such as a good, hearty meal, fitness, or even the things of God, I tend to give up a little too soon because it's not happening now - in my timing. But a few months ago I made the choice to not give up this time. That I was going to do whatever it took to get the life that God has for me. If it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to keep seeking God and pressing into Him because it's worth it. Daily I have to remind myself that "I wait patiently". There are things in my life that I've done - by choice or circumstance - they've happened. And I've had to learn that God wants to deliver me. From addictions, thoughts, beliefs, inadequacies, He wants me to live a full and rewarding life. For far too long I fell into the pattern of the past dictating an inevitable future. Thinking that because I already have ____ that I always will ___. But that is such wrong thinking.

At least when I have Jesus. Acts 16 starting around verse 25. It talks about the circumstances that Paul and Silas were in. They were trapped in a pit. But they still chose to turn their focus to Jesus and instantaneously He brought their deliverance. Through this, they became closer to Jesus and so did many others. I think sometimes God ordains a wait simply because He enjoys the togetherness that it produces. I know when I'm waiting for an appointment or for a flight or really for anything, it's much more appealing if someone is there with me. Even if we aren't talking, just the fact that they are there is more comforting than being there alone.

God will do whatever it takes to bring us to Him. For some, He'll deliver them instantly. Others (including myself), to teach patience and reach togetherness it may be a longer process. The comforting thing to remember through the longer process is that even though we may have to wait for deliverance, we'll never have to wait to enjoy His presence or to be reassured of His love. The only wait is on seeing His work manifest in the physical realm; seeing our petition come to fruitation.

"waited patiently" - qwh (kaw-vaw) [Hebrew] - expect; goal-oriented character of the verb qwh. Waiting is a freaking VERB! It means we're doing something! The same Hebrew word in Psalm 40:1-2 for waited patiently is found in Isaiah 64:3-4 "Your fearsome deeds have completely amazed us; even the mountains shake when you come down. You are the only God ever seen or heard of who works miracles for his followers. " In Psalm 40, David didn't just sit around twiddling his thumbs until God delivered him. He postured himself in absolute expectation! He had a goal and he wouldn't slump until he saw it fulfilled. A lot of times, right before I give up and try my own thing, the thought of "God isn't doing anything so what's the point?" But it's so important that I push that fear of God not being at work while I'm waiting because He's doing what no one else can do because He will do whatever it takes to show Himself mighty! Revelation 1:8 talks about how within every "is", God is mindful of what "was" and what "is to come".

God has the capacity to mark your entire family line! And if it takes my life of sacrifice and surrender to make my families see the power and blessings of God then it's totally worth it! So now what do I do while I'm waiting? If I'm not supposed to just sink back and spectate while God does His thing, what the heck am I supposed to do? Psalm 130 talks about more waiting and it's the same Hebrew word - qwh - imagine that! "With all my heart, I am waiting, LORD, for you! I trust your promises. I wait for you more eagerly than a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn. Yes, I wait more eagerly than a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn." It's talking about lieing in wait for someone, to expect, await, look for patiently, hope, to be confident, trust; to be enduring. Man, I get tired just thinking of all those words! Waiting is hard work! So it's time to stand up and watch! Anticipate my absolute, inevitable deliverance.

As we watch and anticipate we can practice the other part of - qwh - that I mentioned earlier - to be together (by twisting). Wrap yourself around Him as tightly as you possibly can. Bind yourself to Him so you will go anywhere He does. NEVER let go! Pin yourself to Him - so close that you can almost hear Him whisper!

Father, I cry out to You for deliverance. Deliverance from thoughts of inadequacy. Deliverance from fears of success, fears of failure, the fear of fear. Deliverance from physical ailments and conditions. I thank You that You are working on my behalf. So that not only can I be free from the things of the world, but my family and the people I come in contact with can rejoice in Your freedom as well. I thank You that during this time of waiting that I am so close to You I can hear Your heartbeat. I ask You to make me more God-aware than I have ever been in my life. I am waiting for You, Lord. Patiently waiting for You. I'm confident that You will complete the work in which You started. I trust that You have a future filled with hope and success! I commit myself to You and Your ways. Like a little kid who just can't get enough of their mom or day, I wrap myself around You and just hold on for the ride. God, it's been a great one so far and I know it can only get better. It's all worth it - to know that in the end You will get the mighty show that You deserve. I give You all the praise and all the glory! I love You, Father!"

His Word

written June 25, 2007
"My word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty." Isaiah 55.11, niv

The quote "a man is only as good as his word" represents a belief that you could judge someone's character by their ability to make and keep promises.

But beliefs in general, and promises in particular, are more questioned than trusted in our day. An epidemic of broken promises has left us wondering if anyone's word is reliable. So when others make promises, we smile politely and wisely ask them to sign this legal document, that official contract, or those binding agreements so that we are protected in the event that they fail to keep their word.

But there is One who has never failed. There is One whose words have never been empty and whose promises have never been broken. This One has vowed that His Word will never return void:

"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55.10-11

Once released from the clouds, the law of gravity promises that rain will fall down. Once released from His mouth, God's character promises that His Word will never fail. It certainly never failed when it was released from Jesus' mouth.

The apostle John stated that, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father." (John 1.14) Through a mystery we can only faintly comprehend, God's spoken Word walked among us in the Person of Jesus Christ. And wherever His words fell, life grew.

Jesus said, "Be clean!" and a leper was cured. (Matthew 8.3)
Jesus said, "Take your mat and go home" and a paralytic walked out the door. (Matthew 9.6)
Jesus said, "Stretch out your hand" and man's shriveled arm was restored. (Matthew 9.13)
Jesus said, "Your request is granted" and a mother's daughter was healed. (Matthew 15.28)
Jesus said "Come out of him!" and an oppressed man knew peace. (Mark 1.25)
Jesus said, "Be freed" and a sick women stopped bleeding. (Mark 5.34)
Jesus said, "Be opened" and a man could hear and speak. (Mark 7.34)
Jesus said, "Go, your faith has healed you" and Bartimaeus received his sight. (Mark 10.52)
Jesus said, "Get up" to a widow's dead son and a funeral turned into a dance. (Luke 7.14)
Jesus said, "Your sins are forgiven" and a prostitute felt peace. (Luke 7.48)
Jesus said, "My child, get up!" and a father's grief turned to tears of joy. (Luke 8.54)
Jesus said, "You are set free" and a crippled woman stood tall. (Luke 13.12)
Jesus said, "I who speak to you am he" and a Samaritan woman believed. (John 4.26)
Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you" and an adulteress received a second chance. (John 8.11)
Jesus said, "Come out!" and Lazarus emerged from his tomb. (John 11.43)
Jesus said, "It is finished" and the barrier separating us from God was torn in two. (John 19.30)

May faith be strengthened in our hearts! God has not stopped speaking. The Bible is filled with His Words. None of them are empty. None of them will fail. His Word can still make us whole and stop the bleeding in our souls. His Word still brings peace to the troubled and hope to the grieving. His Word still cleanses hearts and brings life to the dead.

His Word still IS.

And our God is as good as His Word!

Waiting or Negating the Promises of God

written June 20, 2007

Church, Sunday night, was amazing. Lately, I've had a rough time attending church because of the events of recent weeks in my life. It's been a real struggle to break through the barrier of feeling shunned by God especially when I'm getting it from my so-called "friends". But after a conversation with someone a few weeks ago, I made the decision that I was going to start trying, even if I didn't feel like it, to tear down that wall and push through the bitterness, resentment, and grudges that I was feeling. So, I went to church that evening (last Wednesday actually) and the worship songs were all about God's unconditional love and grace. It was so nice to worship again. Then, Sunday morning, Alternative led worship with the new song "Hosanna" (you can check out the bridge of it in my headline).

At first I didn't like this song...but then, Sunday night, I really got the revelation of how great my God is. Zac taught an awesome message on "Waiting or Negating the Promises of God" and it really hit home with a lot of areas in my life. At the end of the service they had an altar call for people who just needed some strength in knowing God was there. So, I went forward and they started singing "Hosanna" again. And the bridge, "Heal my heart and make it clean; Open up my eyes to the things unseen; Show me how to love like you have loved me; Break my heart for what breaks yours; Everything I am for your kingdom's cause; As I walk from earth into eternity" really became my hearts cry.

For a few weeks now I've had a hard time attending services because through some past choices that I've made it seems like I've lost some friends. And I hear grace and mercy taught and how the church doesn't care where you've been but just where you're going and I grew up hearing that we are supposed to be like Jesus and my thought is if Jesus is gracious and merciful and future focused then "church" people should be too. And then I see how people straight up just are judging and so "rear mirror" focused; almost like the "sin choices" that I made is going to rub off on them or something and it all just didn't make sense to me. But through this song and a prayer that Jeremy prayed over me, I came to realize that God does love me and He is there for me. All I have to do is ask. And He wants me to ask. He is completely looking at my future; not limiting me because of my past choices or my present circumstances but saying, "Come to Me and I'll get you where you need to go. I'll be your security and your strength. I'll be your friend."

So I came to the conclusion that by not wanting to go to church and giving in to my "feelings" of not wanting to be involved, that I was being just like the people who were my "friends". I was limiting myself and building a wall with myself because I wasn't allowing God's grace and mercy to overflow in my life. Pretty much I wasn't forgiving myself. So, that night I let it all go. I let my bitterness and the grudges towards people go. I let a big chunk of the wall between God and I go, and I really just allowed Him to fill me again. Crying out "Hosanna" (which in Hebrew is an exclamation of praise saying "Save Me") I abandoned myself before Him. And this week has been amazing. I've met some really great people who I know are going to become influential in my life and I've really openned myself up to just freely praising Him again.

And yes, it's been a daily choice to be positive and I'm still having to make myself choose to forgive certain people, but it's all worth it. It's worth feeling somewhat peaceful again and openning myself up to new friendships and opportunities.

So don't let mistakes that you've made rule your life. Dictate your own path with God's purposes and His thoughts towards you, "I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." (Jeremiah 29:11, message) Because He is worth it, you are worth it.

Search me, O God

written June 20, 2007
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139.23-24, niv

When a crime is committed, we search the scene. When disease devastates, we search for a cure. When disaster strikes, we search for probable cause. Most often, we call for a search after trouble arises.

But in Psalm 139, we find David calling for a search pre-problem. David's prayer in Psalm 51 was a definite response to spiritual failure. However, Psalm 139.23-24 records not a desperate plea for post-failure forgiveness but an earnest request for pre-problem purification.

David begins this closing preventative prayer of Psalm 139 with two simple words: search me.

"Search me, O God." Webster defines search as "to look into or over carefully or thoroughly in an effort to find or discover something: to look through or explore by inspecting possible places of concealment or investigating suspicious circumstances."

The Hebrew word for search in this passage is elsewhere translated explore, inquire, and probe. David's opening words of Search me, O God challenge us to volunteer as subjects of God's thorough and diligent examination.

"Know my heart." This same know in the Hebrew is used to describe God's intense friendship with Moses ("No prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face." Deuteronomy 34.10) and Adam's intimacy with Eve ("And Adam knew Eve his wife." Genesis 4.1, kjv). Know reflects the most intimate relationship possible between God and mankind.

Here, David invites God to personally and completely be familiar with his heart—his entire being. No rooms are locked in this search. Nothing is marked "restricted access." Know my heart grants God full clearance to penetrate every shadowy corner of our very selves.

"Test me." With these words David asks God to inspect him for breaches of inner-integrity. He longs for his faith to be utterly sincere because from personal experience, David knew that his future could be sabotaged by unseen compromises. Test me is a request for God to examine to the fabric of our lives for potentially fatal flaws.

"Know my anxious thoughts." Two English words (anxious + thoughts) are used to translate the Hebrew in this phrase. Together they paint a picture of a restless mind influenced by the whispers of fear. Our thought-life is often the venue of an ongoing, unseen wrestling match with worry. Know my anxious thoughts invites God to be our heart's coach and our mind's mentor.

"See if there is any offensive way in me." Here we find a wonderful twist. David is not only concerned about issues that could hurt him, He is concerned about anything that could hurt or offend God! The New Living Bible translates this phrase, "Point out anything in me that offends you."

These words move us past man's expectations, religious codes of conduct, known laws, and Biblical commandments into the inner room of a love that longs to fulfill not just God's requirements but God's personal desires. See if there is any offensive way in me reflects a longing to live in such a way that we never grieved the heart of God.

"Lead me in the way everlasting." Proverbs 14.12 states, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." David's predecessor, Saul, exemplified a leader who took the "way" of man and David desperately did not want to go down Saul's path. Lead me in the way everlasting asks God to guide us into His (not man's) ways.

What safety there is in standing before our merciful God and echoing David's simple prayer! How assuring it is to be fully known, and fully loved! Every morning, search me grants us the opportunity to sit in on God's briefing regarding the state of our hearts.

As God warns or convicts, his love leads us in repentance. We rise from prayer with a clear conscience and a sound confidence that God will continue to guide us into all Truth and ultimately into his eternal arms.

Perfect Love

written April 22, 2007

So I just listened to "How is your love life?" that Chelsea Smith taught at the Without Mixture Conference. And it's amazing. So I decided to write about it.

So pretty much you can't have a "love life" without a relationship. And typically, we (especially as girls) don't acknowledge that we're into a guy unless he first indicates that he is into us. Well, God is into us. He loved us first so it's alright to love Him. As a matter of fact, His love for us is PERFECT. His whole purpose is to get into us how much He loves us. His love will always be with us, He will always love us. Now it's hard for me to realize that because I have always had the thought that "Yeah, God loves me, but what's that mean? Because the people who have loved me have always ended up getting mad or rubbing my mistakes in my face, yadda yadda." But God's love is forever. And it's completely by choice because Lord knows I don't deserve His love. There's a story in 2 Samuel 9 about David searching for someone who He can show God's mercy and loving kindness to. Back in the day, when a new king took over, he would kill all of the previous king's servants and replace with new ones. Well, in addition to Mephibosheth being one of the former king's servants, he was handicapped. And also, back in the day, handicapped people couldn't be in the presence of the king. Well, instead of killing him, David wanted to restore him. David chose to show the kindness and restoration of God that he extended it to the least in the nation.

Well, it's the same with God. I flat out don't deserve God's love but He so desires to restore me that He loves me and wants me to be continually in relationship with Him. He wants to restore what I've lost through the mistakes I've made. And He loves me so much that it doesn't matter what I've done. When I focus on those things and basically give Him the excuse that I'll never be able to do what He's called me to do because of the choices I've made, He ignores me because He is good and He is just waiting for me to realize that He gives me everything even though I don't deserve it. And He doesn't end with jsut restoring me. He wants me to continually be in relationship with Him, no matter what I've done. A lot of times I'm hesitant to worship God because of the things I've done. But the way I receive from God is based on my perception of His feeling for me. If I think that He's mad at me then I'll continue to be tentative towards worship Him and I'll be afraid of His presence. I need to realize that His perfect love casts out fear.

But what is perfect love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 defines love as: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." And God says, "This is the love I feel towards you". And what I need to come to the realization of is that there will never be a human example of perfect love. But God's love for me is. So what is God's love? Well, God's love is not easily angered. He isn't waiting up in heaven with a stick, waiting for me to mess up so He can beat me. He isn't going to get mad at me. Yes, He may punish me but, He forgives me as many times as I ask because He loves me. In Hebrews it says, "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." All God wants to do is forgive me, because He loves me. And He disciplines me so I'll learn not to do it that way the next time. His love also doesn't keep a record of wrongs.

Like it says in Psalms 103, God makes a choice to forget about my sin. He sees me as a completely forgiven, as His daughter, as rightous as Jesus. And no, that doesn't just give me a free ticket to do whatever I please, it gives me the complete realization of how loving God really is and once I grasp that, I won't want to sin anymore. I'll want to live for Him and not do anything to cause a separation from Him. And His love perseveres. He will never forget about me because He has already taken the punishment for me and He has the perfect love for me. Even when others turn away and forget about me, God is right here, His arms open to hold me in His everlasting love. My name is written on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:14-16). Until you get the revelation of God's love for yourself, it will just be a nice word - just another thought - but once we realize, understand, and completely comprehend the love that He has for us, we will never be the same.

"Father, I want to know the love You have for me. I want to have a personal understanding of Your love for me. I thank You that You have that perfect love for me. That You don't keep the thought of my sin around to rub it in my face but that You have so many good thoughts about me that You just throw out my sin. Help me to fully comprehend the love You have for me so that I can reflect that in my life choices. Thank You so much for pursuing me and never letting me go. I love You, Lord, for You are good and Your love endures FOREVER!"

What's my motivation?

written April 15, 2007

So recently I have made a lot of changes in my life. From the way I do the things I do to the people I hang out with, pretty much everything in my life has been changing. Through it all, the question in my mind has been "Why the heck am I doing this?" Why am I focusing more on God and following Him? Why am I listening to my mentors and doing everything they tell me to do? Why am I cutting people out of my life when we always have a good time and I love it when we hang out? And I will admit, for awhile it was because it was the right thing to do. It was because I "have to". "I can't talk to you because so and so said so" "I am reading my Bible because I have to" "I am staying at home because I have to do this." And you know, during that time, I was very anxious. I didn't have peace because I was so afraid I would mess up and disappoint everyone. I was afraid I would fail just like all the other times. And this last week has been a very lazy week for me in regards to the continual maintenance of my spiritual life. But I think I've come to the place of a "want to" or at least a "want to" to "want to".

My ultimate desire is to be so consumed and in love with God that it's first nature to chat with God. That when I wake up, I WANT to pray, I WANT to worship, I WANT to read my Bible. And I want to do it because I love Jesus. Because I love my co-workers. Because I love my roommates. Because I freakin love! After all, Jesus loved me so much that He wanted to do whatever He could to give me the "want to". He took my sin upon Him and died for me so that I could "want to" love Him. So that I could "want to" serve Him. My motivation is my love. And my love is my motivation. I am motivated to live for God because I have chosen to love Him.

Just a little thing I thought of when thinking of how to have the "want to".

Wait on God
Abide in Him
No long I, but Christ
Trust in God

Thankful for life
Obedient to His Word

Father, I thank You for sending Your only Son as the ultimate sacrifice for me. I thank You for Your example of love and for the choice You have given me to follow You. I thank You that I am beginning to have the "want to". I thank You that as I wait on You I will gain strength and confidence in You. That I will do everything I can to abide in You. I thank You that I am putting myself aside and focusing on You. Father, I want to love like You love, I want to see how You see, I want my ways to be Your ways. I place my complete trust in You. You know that trust is something that I struggle with so help me to become stronger in that area. Father, I'm so thankful for this life You have given me. I thank You that You've created me for such a time as this. It's time for me to completely surrender myself to You. To let go of all of me and cling to Your Word. I praise You God because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. I WANT TO live for You because I love You.

It's not over

written March 30, 2007
"God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that He won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns." (CEV)

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (TNIV)

"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." (Message)

"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." (AMP)

God isn't a quitter - He finishes what He starts. Creation - He finished and it was GOOD. Jonah - even though he ran from God, God pursued Him and His will was done. Moses - kept giving excuses but God said, "No, everything you need is in Me. So just take what I'm giving." Jesus - "It is finished!" Everyone says, "It's not over til the fat lady sings." Really, it's not over til the God of ALL says so. There are so many times when I don't feel like God is here, working in me. But, those are the times He's standing back, watching His creation, seeing what alterations need to be made. I must remember that I'm not ran by my feelings, I'm ran by what the Word of God says, the truth of my Creator, which means I will not quit!

Father, I thank You for choosing me. I thank You for being persistent and not giving up on me. I trust in You to complete me. I surrender every thought. Father, may my thoughts be Your thoughts, my actions Your actions, and my love Your love. You didn't quit so neither will I; until I hear You say, "It's is finished, my good and faithful servant." Father, I praise You for being the strength of my life. You are so amazing. Peace...

joy

written August 13, 2008

The past few weeks have been rough. I've gone through every emotion I can imagine: fear, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement, peace. You name it, I've experienced it. At the beginning of the year I always choose a verse or passage to reflect on and stand upon throughout the year. This year it was Philippians 3:7-11. I've been very determined this year to seek after God and get to know Jesus.

Throughout the year, I've gotten distracted here and there with various situations, but I always come back to focusing on Him. But over the course of the last few weeks it's become tougher to choose life. I began to build a wall up around my heart. Harboring all the emotions I was feeling to appear "strong".

As I was driving to Kansas this morning, I was listening to Joyce Meyer's series "pressing in and pressing on". In it, she states 'anyone who has victory has to press' and to get to victory one must 'press against the pressure that presses you'. I realized that by harboring these emotions, I'm making myself weaker and not trusting God to give me strength. After all, isn't His strength made perfect in my weakness?

So I'm determined to press against the fleshly desire to be depressed and stand strong in the joy God has called me to live in. I believe there is a place in God that if a person presses on, no matter what happens they can have a peace that passes ALL understanding and a joy that will not be dictated by their circumstances.

As I write this, I'm reminded of my verse from last year, philippians 4:6-7. As I was reading it tonight, I noticed verse 5 - "rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS" and I realized that in every situation I face - including suffering - I must learn, as a child of God, to rejoice and gain strength by remembering His goodness, faithfulness, and His promises.

Joy is a vital part of salvation and the foundation to a close personal relationship with the savior. It's based on God's immeasurable love for us and a grasp of the peace and hope we have because of what Christ has done for us. It reflects an inner peace and delight in God - the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Because I know the Lord, I can rest assured in His promises - to never leave me and to never give me more than I can handle. I can stand steadily in the joy of knowing He loves me and this life is eternal.

The peace of God is not based on emotion or circumstance. Its based on the solid foundation of a relationship with God. It's a firm confidence that Jesus is near and God's love has been activated in our lives to generate good. When we commit our fears, anxieties, and doubts to God, His peace will guard our hearts. His peace will prevent the heartaches of life from disturbing our relationship with Him. Under God's "protective custody" we will feel safe and be able to rejoice in Him.

My prayer

Father, I thank You so much for who You are in my life. Thank You for giving me sufficient grace, more mercy than I could hope for, and comfort when I'm lost in this chaotic life. I thank You for rescuing me and keeping me from evil. Lord, hold me, hug my heart with Your peace. I give You my hurt, frustrations, fears, and my sadness. I rejoice in You and in the power of Your word.I thank You that my grandpa is saved. Even though his time here on earth with us is coming to an end, I am so glad he will get to spend eternity rejoicing with You in heaven. Yes, he will be missed here, but he will be healthy and pain free with You! Thank You for the privilege of knowing You. You are the source of all peace and my strength is found in You. You are my God who provides all I need. You know my thoughts, my fears, my dreams. Thank You for being with me and giving me this hope. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for revealing this truth to me. Help me to get it rooted in my heart so I will not let go of it. I will always have reason to worship You because You are my God - You cared enough to make a way for me - to call me not only Your daughter, but Your friend. I love You, my Savior. I trust in You. I trust the promises in Your Word. You are my king. You are the lover of my soul. Your joy is the basis of my existence. I praise You Father. You are so amazing!

Christ - follower

written June 9th, 2008

So the last few months I've really been challenged with living like Jesus. How He wants me to live, what He wants me to do, and who He wants me to be. Like mentioned in one of my previous blogs, all He wants is us. But as I've been just lovin on Him and spending time with Him, I've been challenged with sharing this with others. I don't really think of myself as a lazy person, although sometimes this can be my natural tendency. So just being with God and spending time on me has been great and all, but I'm just not satisfied with it.

Tonight I went to a Bible study that at first I was hesitant to go to because of a few different things I don't want to mention here, but I went anyway. And wow! The ladies that were there had such a passion and fire for living like Christ. In 1 Peter 2:21 it says "Christ left you with an example, that you should follow in His steps." One of them started firing off about how she's disgusted with being a "Christian". And I agree. The world see's a Christian as someone who sits in a pew at church, is consumed in their Bible studies, their "Christian" social circles and the like. They don't want anything to do with us because they don't see Jesus in us. Jesus wasn't all about the Church. He was all about going out into the world and helping people. Healing the hurting, helping the helpless, and giving hope to the hopeless. He didn't pass someone on the street that needed help, He didn't push away God's whisper in His ear as a meaningless thought or think of why He wasn't worthy to walkin the calling God had called Him to.

Honestly, I haven't been very strong in this area. I use to be the friend to everyone - good or bad. I would go in to a friendship with the intentions to be an influencer and then end up being the influenced. Well, a few months ago God put someone on my heart to begin a friendship with. I pushed it back with the excuse of "I'm not strong enough to be an influencer. I don't have what it takes to stay strong in the midst of the temptations that this friendship will bring." But I still can't get the person out of my head. And I feel so convicted for it. .

I think it's time that the Christ-followers emerge from the "Christians". It's time that we take hold of the Great Commission - "Go and make disciples of all nations" Let's go heal the hurting, help the helpless, and show hope to the hopeless. After all we may be the only Jesus people ever see.

Someone I know blogged this and I thought it was a perfect end to my blog...

Let's take some risks in life - and I don't mean anything crazy/stupid.
Let's not be afraid to say what we mean and stand up for what we believe in.
Let's expand and reach out to things that are new and scary.
Let's make our lives what we want them to be instead of being upset at what they currently are.
Let's remember the times of heartbreak and continue loving harder the next time.
Let's make the changes we've always wanted, break out of comfort zones and take chances to make ourselves happy. This is the only way we can really live free.
Winston Churchill said:
Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe.
Let's take some risks so we can really believe.

muster strength

written April 24, 2008

Proverbs 23:5
"The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength." (TNIV)

As a Christian we are taught that our strength comes from the Lord. Which is true, He empowers us, through the Holy Spirit to handle whatever situations arise in our life. But, we still have to put some effort into obtaining that strength. So many times, I get all pumped up and things start going well and then before I know it, I'm back in a similar situation as I was three months prior. And it's all because I don't "muster my strength". I have knowledge about God - how He wants me to just love Him and embrace Him - but so many times I feel like I have to do all these things for Him in order for Him to love me. But the great thing is He's all about grace!
Last week a friend was praying with me about this and the things she started speaking were a great revelation to me. God just wants me. He just wants you. He doesn't want us for the things we can do for Him - although the fruit of our love will essentially end up being those things - no, He just wants us to love Him! And the same goes for us. I think too many times we get caught up in only going to Him when we need something and seeking His hand instead of seeking His face. It's time that we draw near to the heart of God - that we stop using God as our slave and turn to Him as our Father.

Think how your parents love it when you just call and talk with them having no motive or request for anything but just calling to talk. And then think how much more our Heavenly Father must love it when our intentions are simply to know Him and the power of His resurrection!

Philippians 3:10
"I want to know Christ - yes, the power of His resurrection."

So like I was saying, I have the knowledge of God's desire towards me but all too often I get caught up in the works part of it. And because I get focused on the "doing" for Him and not the "loving" on Him, I start to lose strength. As seen above in Proverbs - we have to muster the strength. Muster means to assemble, call forth, gather, display, reveal, or appear. I love this definition. It shows that we already have the strength inside [through the Holy Spirit] but it's our job to assemble, gather, and call it forth. It's our job to display the strength of God's love in our lives, to reveal the passion that love brings forth, and to finally, live in a way that people can see Him through us.

Love letter from God

My child,

I know everything about you. (Psalm 139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2) I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3) Even the very hairs on your haid are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27) In Me you live and move and have your being. (Acts 17:28) For you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12)

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. (Acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. (John 8:41-44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) And it is my desire to lavish My love on you. (1 John 3:1) Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48) Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand. (James 1:17) For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33)

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are My treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5)

I desire to establish you with all My heart and all My soul. (Jeremiah 32:41) And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18) As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to My heart. (Isaiah 40:11) One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. (Revelation 21:3-4)

I am your Father, and I love ou even as I love My Son, Jesus. (John 17:23) For in Jesus, My love for you is revealed. (John 17:26) He is the exact representation of My being. (Hebrews 1:3) He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31) And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) His death was the ultimate expression of My love for you. (1 John 4:10) I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. (Romans 8:31-32)

When you received the gift of My Son, Jesus, you received Me. (1 John 2:23) And nothing will ever separate you from My love again. (Romans 8:38-39). I have always been Father, and will always be Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15).

Love,
Papa

decisions

written April 20, 2008

Just a little something that came to me while Val was teaching at Alternative tonight. If you weren't there and want the series from the last three weeks, let me know and I'll hook you up with it. It was amazing. Shaun and Val Alexander taught on removing idols from your life, creating intimacy with God, fighting for that intimacy, and then making the decision to be an active part of God's army. Life changing!

Here's what I believe God spoke to me tonight,
It's time to make a decision. Who are you going to be? Your life is defined by your actions. Your actions are created by your thoughts and beliefs. Choose your thoughts. Choose your inputs. give all of who you are - your thoughts, beliefs, doubts, insecurities, successes, failures, confidences - give them to God for all of who He is. He will fill you with what's necessary. He will gie you what you need for the decision He's needing you to make. Let His love reign in your life. Let His grace take you to a place of no return. Where you are so enraptured and captivated by Him that nothing else matters. Your purpose is to show Him to the world. So start now. Start making room for Him to dwell. Ged rid of distractions, put blinders on. Your focus in on Him and Him alone. Dance with Him and let Him lead you to that place of perfect peace.

authentic beauty

written February 6, 2008

So I just finished reading "Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy and let me just say, it rocked my world! It is all about truly experiencing Jesus as your Prince and creating an intimate, fulfilling relationship with Him before venturing out and creating an intimate relationship with an earthly man. I would definitely recommend it to all women! It definitely has increased my desire to truly know Jesus for who He is.

There is such a huge difference between saying you know Jesus and truly experiencing Him and having Him be the One you give up everything to be with. He is the only One worthy of my entire heart, life, soul, and body - all I am and all I have. So many times I open myself up to hurt because I go after a guy's attention, but I'll never be truly content with that! My purpose in this stage of my life is to follow after Jesus - to passionately pursue Him with ALL of my heart.
Galatians 2:20, paraphrased - "I have kicked myself off the throne of my life, so I no longer dictate how I live; but now Christ, living within me, has taken His position on my throne, and He determines how I live. This life I live in this earthly body, I know live in total dependance and trust in Jesus Christ who loved me and sacrificed everything for me."

Towards the end of last year, this desire to know Jesus began to grow in me. I stopped wanting to be a part of certain relationships, stopped desiring to please everyone and became more focused on how I can improve me. How I can improve my relationship with God. I came to the realization that without having a firm foundation with God, I would never be truly successful in any other area of my life. It was time for me to embrace true purity. To not just endure the "Christian rules" of purity, but to fall into the loving arms of God, surrender myself to Him completely, and allow Him to shape me into His likeness.

So I decided to leave everything else - every thought that said I couldn't do it, every negative influence I had allowed into my world - and follow Him, the Man I love. So many times, I've gotten hung up on the thought "He doesn't want me to have ____ because I've done _____." Or God doesn't really mean that about me when He says it because I don't do ____ right. But no matter what I've done or how many mistakes I've made, that doesn't take away His desire for me. After all, His sole purpose in creating me was to have a relationship with me, to fellowship and commune with me. It was time for me to stop being selfish and to allow the amazing reality of His love and the sacrifice of the cross to penetrate every part of my being. He gave everything for me, but what am I giving up for Him?

Once I made the decision to fully give up my inhibitions and allow Him to have my heart how it was, man did things get fun. Not! People I didn't want to come back into my world, made attempts at coming back. Hurts that had just scarred over started getting peeled off and the emotions that came as those scars were peeled off were stronger than when it was a fresh wound. But this was my Prince cleansing and renewing my heart - just as I had asked Him to do.
There were things I didn't want to let go of - somehow the security of knowing that I was once loved and had chosen to love was more appealing than letting go and trusting Him to clean that from my heart. Somehow, the memory of being a victim which gave me the reason to occasionally have that depressing day and allowing myself to get in a funk was more appealing than surrendering my heart to God and allowing Him to make me an overcomer!

But then I read Luke 14:33 - "To be my disciple, to be a set-apart one, costs everything you have. Don't delude yourself into thinking it will only cost a portion of your existence! The very essence of a disciple is one that has completely emptied their inner sanctuary of all other lovers to make room for Me, their heavenly Prince." I realized that all the time, energy, and emotion that I'd been devoting to these things - consciously or not - was time, energy, and emotion that I needed to devote to God. He is the One I need to find security in, He alone is the One I need to worship. He is the One I should identify with!

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." I realized that in order to have a heart that I can completely devote to Him, I needed to delight myself in Him. To do whatever it takes to fall head over heels in love with Jesus Christ. I need to clean out the most inner part of me and allow His love to renew me and fulfill me.

I've begun to trust Him more. Believing that He will bring the true friends that I so strongly desire - those who seek Him the same way. Those who lead me closer to Him and who help create that healthy atmosphere in my life. And oh my gosh how amazing is He? I've gotten back in contact with people I haven't seen in over 10 years. People I never thought I would ever see again but who were such a vital part of my life as a child. People who remind me how innocent and carefree life can be when one is sold out to the cause of Christ! People who stopped trying to fit God into their life; but instead, built their life around Christ.

This has spurred me on even stronger! Spurred me on into really building up a mystique - guarding that inner part of my heart, emotions, thoughts, and body; protecting the essence of who I am from the inside out. Becoming a woman with steady, unyielding strength and confidence that can only flow from knowing Him intimately and can only be maintained by protecting my relationship with Him at all costs. To do this, it's time for me to recapture my thoughts and think His thoughts about my life. To fill my mind with so much truth that the lies of Satan have no room to enter and make themself at home. And when he does find his way in, to be consistent about praying for people. Because once my mind is off of me, it's easier to push down the negative thoughts that enter. And the less those negative thoughts occupy my brain, the more I can get to know my Saviour and the more I'll realize that every challenge is an opportunity to grow closer to Him, every triumph is an opportunity to praise Him, and every moment has the privilege of loving and worshiping Him!!

The more I get to know Him, the more I'll trust Him. The more time I spend with Him, the more I will become like Him. The more I understand Him, the more my decisions will reflect Him. The more I seek Him, the more I come to know His plan and purpose for my life. The more I pursue Him, the more I will gain His perspective on any problem I am facing (including voting!). The more I worship Him, the more I become His set-apart princess!

So to get to know Him, I've decided to become more involved with His Word. To think on it and use every resource I can to gain understanding of it. I've decided to re-develop my love for journaling, to write my prayers as personal letters to Jesus. And also, to seek out example who have travelled this path before me. Whether it be living examples through mentors or historic examples through Christian biographies, knowing what other's have accomplished and overcame will only fuel the fire of "I can do this!"

"My Prince, I thank You for creating me for such a time as this. I thank You for opening my eyes to see how much better my life can be with You as the foundation. My desire is to trust You. You know better than anyone that I have issues with this. But I've read in Your Word that You will never leave me nor forsake me. That You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Your promise to me is one of prosperity, not of harm, but of a future and a hope! So now, Father, I'm placing my trust in You. I am choosing to love You with fuller abandon than I ever have before. Give me the strength to consciously recognize the things that are hindering my relationship with You. I know that when I run to You, I can hide in You. You will protect me. I thank You for never leaving me. I thank You for loving me so much that You'll never give up on me. I thank You for loving me and accepting me even with all the stupid choices I've made in the past. You are so amazing, words can't even describe how greatful I am for this opportunity to know You and to be known by You. I love You and I can't wait to know more about You!"

Happy Happy Joy Joy

written January 27, 2008

So tonight Pastor Jeremy taught on being unbreakable. He defined unbreakable as "impossible to break under ordinary usage and able to withstand rough uses." He also mentioned a few other things that I'll touch on. But let me start with saying it was incredible. I went to church this evening with the thought of "What's the use, why go?" And then worship and Jesus rocked my face!

For awhile I've known what I need to do. I've made plans about what I need to do, but everytime I fall back on what I want to do. I mean, for real, I won't completely jump in head first, but I slowly slide backwards. It's like I long to be close to God's heart and to be a strong woman of God, but I see myself so far away that I figure what's the use. I've got to start meditating on what I want my reality to be. Which is flowing in the love, grace, and mercy of God. Flowing in the strength He created me to flow in.

The doubts and fears I experience are all part of the carnality of this world. Things to hold me back and rob me of the true value of life. Before I can get out and say I'm unbreakable, I have to turn on the light and deal with my issues. I have to fix me and deal with the emotions inside of me. There are so many emotions I don't know where to begin. I think the biggest thing blocking me right now is my heart. I was hurt pretty bad back in August and have never taken the time to get my heart strong and solid again. I've built up a mighty strong fortress around it, but that has only caused me to push people and God away. But I'm tired of living this way! I want nothing to come between me and my Prince. I want to be comfortable around Him and trust Him. So here's to a fixing me. To becoming emotionally healthy. To becoming a strong woman with a soft heart and listening to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

fun and exciting times...

written January 21, 2008

With Jess at applebees...yes, so I left work at 7 so I could run some errands, eat some chicken wings for dinner, study my cost accounting a little, and be in bed by about 11.

I should've known to be careful after the coinstar machine at Safeway was broke and I chose the wrong pair of shoes at Lady Foot Locker.

But, I wasn't. I decided to lock my keys in my car, and roommate (aka Sarah G.) who was with me decided to leave her coat in the car (which has the spare in it). So we trek over to applebees to get some chicken wings.

Well, I begin the avid search for a friend with triple a who will let me bum an unlock from them (the last few times a similar situation has happened I have made the mental note to get triple a...too bad I never followed through with that mental note).

After calling approximately 7 people, I finally found a friend with triple a!!! Yay!!! So Ryan saves the day again and says he'll be here in about an hour. Giving me plenty of time to enjoy my chicken wings. Well, then I notice my chickens wings start "bawking" at me (which means they weren't cooked all the way). So, I politely ask the waitress to have the cook fry some more up for me, preferably killing them completely before serving them to me. So I get my chicken wings (by this time its happy hour so they're half off) shortly followed by my oriental chicken salad.

Then, the cops come...no, not after me. After some car. They immediately cuff the driver and tell the passenger to get lost. (At least that's what appeared to happen).

And then Ryan calls and says triple a will be at least 90 minutes...so, here's to a wonderful evening at applebee's...when I could still be working!

UPDATE....So, a tow truck arrives to take the impounded car away from the person who got arrested by the cops that came. And me, being the complete genius of the evening, decide to run out, by myself, in the middle of the ghetto Common's parking lot and ask the tow truck driver if he'll unlock my door for me (I thought this would be a very unlikely event since I look like a hot mess in some sweats, an old t-shirt, and a jacket). But, he says he'll do it for 40 bucks...well, since work forgot to put me back on payroll after my medical leave, I don't currently have 40 bucks, so I told him that and he said he'll do it for what's on me (man, this must be a good haircut). So, I count my stripper one's (j/k about the stripper part) and find out I have $17 on me. He says he'll do it and have it done in no time.

After telling him where my truck is, he tells me to hurry up and get down there so he can see exactly which one it is. So, I start running down the parking lot (which I'm sure was hilarious considering it was so cold outside that my ankle's were frozen, I'm carrying my purse, and have the stripper one's in my hand...) Now that I think about it, he probably did all this for the entertainment of it.

We get down to my car and he can't get it open. After about 25 minutes and a few paint scratches later, he gets the window down enough to unlock the door. Lo and behold, I can't find my keys in the car. (My only thought now is that I left them on the bench at Lady Foot Locker or maybe the counter. I knew I should've gone back and checked the store!!!! So much for me listening to God on this one! :( ). So, I grab roommate's key out of her coat pockets so I don't look like a complete moron, thank him, and drive down to get roommate.

So, tomorrow after work, I'll be trekking back down to Federal Way, hopefully it won't bring such fun and exciting times....

random thoughts

written January 17, 2008


So not really sure of a "topic" for this blog besides random thoughts. As I sit here at TGI Fridays in the Dallas airport, I am beginning to get the urge to write. So why not blog it, right? Right! Maybe I'll come up with a different title once I see where this is all going!

So what a great time to be living. With so many different opportunities for life, friendships, serving, and love - it takes a pretty unmotivated person to get bored. But I've been getting bored lately, and I don't like to think of myself as unmotivated. I mean sure, I work and go to church but outside of that I'm very unsatisfied with where I'm at.

The last 6 months or so of my life has not been fun. With various medical issues I've spent a lot of time just being. And it's given me a lot of time to evaluate my life. This is when I discovered I was unsatisfied. Yes, I have a great job - the pay is pretty good, benefits are wonderful, and the people I work with are amazing. But do I thoroughly enjoy it? Not so much. And I don't even know where to start with my friendships.

By choosing to keep certain friendships, I have lost others. But I have also gained some amazing friends and acquaintances this year. I absolutely adore my true friends. The ones who have stuck with me through my not so smart times - and man, have there been many! (I think ya'll know who you are. No, not you...yes, you.)

The past year has really taught me to let people be. Life is too short to be stressin over what people think or the choices other people are making. Do what's going to make you happy - if partying and "livin it up" are gonna make you happy, then by all means, live it up! Just don't have two sides. Cuz then your head will really get messed up, not to mention the people around you's heads. I have this situation in my life - well, it's more of a person. Ok, it is a person. Have this person in my life who I KNOW shouldn't be as close as they are. But out of convenience I've let them become one of the people I hang out with the most. And I would like to think that they make me happy and that I'm happy when we hang out and all, but I don't think I can fully embrace the happiness with them. I mean what is happiness? Sure it's having fun, laughing, blah blah blah. But I think it goes deeper than that.

What's my definition of happiness? Well, I guess the state of being happy? Lol naw, for real, here's the definition of happiness according to Jess...light hearted peace and enjoyment in life. Does that make sense? Jury's still out on that one! Lol but seriously, I don't think true enjoyment can exist without peace. So, on that note, I have to go catch this plane...maybe a revised edition of this blog will appear. Maybe not. Until then, do what makes you happy. Whether it's for the now or for the future, just be happy!